If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
