i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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