I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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