I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
