Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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