Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think your dad took our porno
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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