Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
