I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
