how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I looked at my own cervix.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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