So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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