Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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