I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
