ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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