Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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