im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
