i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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