It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
