just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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