C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
