My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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