if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Operation Purity has been aborted
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
