Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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