Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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