i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
