Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
