I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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