Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
