What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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