Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
