got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
