His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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