mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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