I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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