so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
