Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize