anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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