Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
