Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
