Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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