i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
