so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
