I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
