its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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