So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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