Small penises have feelings too.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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