Dual....:-)
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
