Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
