I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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