his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
