i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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