i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
