Ambien. No doubt about it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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