Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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