Please, let me fuck your mom
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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