just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You smell like stripper and shame
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
