I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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