The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
