I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
