Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
