I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
