I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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