After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
