She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
