dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
