You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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