You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
