If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
