i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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